Write on Wednesday #69

Today’s prompt: You are a monarch

My dear husband refers to me as his queen. It is such a grand title and I absolutely deserve it but I will probably never know what it is like to be a part of a monarchy. It is nice to think about what that would be like.

For today’s writing prompt, write about yourself as king or queen. Have fun with it create a land you would rule over. How would you treat your subjects? Would yours be an absolute monarchy, constitutional monarchy, etc.? Would you live in a castle or a palace? The possibilities are endless.

Disconnecting

You hear the term disconnecting a lot now. I have been using it often. During the height of the pandemic, during lockdown, I found technology and all of the ways it kept us connected to be a godsend. I contracted COVID during that time. Fortunately, my son did not. I was still able to see him and talk to him via FaceTime. I was able to order groceries through an app, I was still able to do my work and meet with students via Microsoft Teams, and even “attend” a graduation and wedding all from the comfort and safety of my bedroom. None of these things would have been possible without this connection by way of technology.

In addition to the gratitude I had for all of the tasks made safe and possible during the lockdown with the use of apps, I was also thankful to social media and my various streaming services.

I didn’t really use social media for entertainment until the lockdown. I used Facebook to stay in contact with some of the people I’ve met over the course of my life and to get any news that was happening in may family (weddings, funerals, graduations, etc.), but nothing more. I also used it as a sort of journal and repository for any photos I wanted to hold onto. That really took a turn during the pandemic and my discovery TikTok. Once I became an avid absorber of TikTok and its limitless posts on anything I could ever imagine, the need for instant gratification kicked into overdrive.

I also became hooked on the reality tv series, Love Island. I went to bed and fell asleep watching this show. Seeing these swimsuit-clad beautiful people creating relationships against the backdrop of a tropical paradise was a welcomed escape. My streaming services were working overtime. Not only did I get hooked on Love Island, I would get hooked on any series. It became another full-time job for me. At the end of a series, I would be heartbroken as if I had lost a cherished group of friends. When one series would end, I was frantically looking for another one. Despite having stacks of new books, I didn’t pick one up.

Now the worst of the pandemic is over. I am back in the office and life is mostly back to normal, but I have become somewhat addicted to binge-watching and social media. With the various streaming services, I don’t have to wait a week or more for the next episode. You can watch hundreds of mini episodes with TikTok in a couple of hours. I have become accustomed to that instant gratification.

I always described myself as a voracious reader. Lately, I have not been able to finish a book. They no longer seem to keep my attention. This is alarming to me. I feel the need to disconnect. My phone is my constant companion. I even take it with me to the bathroom. I have noticed that I seek to fill every spare moment with something. I’m not the only one. I see other people doing it too.

Recently, I have committed to finishing the books I have on my reading list. To do this, I have decided that when I get home from work, I will leave my phone to charge in another room. Surprisingly, I was able to focus on my book. Did I feel the urge to grab my phone or turn on the tv? Yes, but I didn’t. I have been challenging my family to do the same. It is a work in progress but I am committed.

Personality vs Character

Do you know the difference between personality and character? Many people tend to use these terms interchangeably, but they actually refer to distinct aspects of an individual’s identity. Understanding the difference can help us gain deeper insights into ourselves and others.

As I’ve grown older, these differences have become even more apparent. That is probably why I have so few friends. We all must protect our energy and use our discernment when choosing people to share our lives with.

Personality refers to the unique set of traits, behaviors, and patterns of thinking that define how we typically respond to situations. It encompasses our temperament, preferences, and tendencies. Personality is often described using adjectives such as outgoing, introverted, optimistic, or analytical. These traits influence how we interact with others, our communication style, and the way we approach various aspects of life.

On the other hand, character refers to the moral and ethical qualities that shape our actions and decisions. It reflects our core values, integrity, and sense of right and wrong. Character is not something we are born with; rather, it is developed and cultivated over time through experiences, upbringing, and personal choices. Honesty, empathy, responsibility, and respect are examples of positive character traits.

While personality can change and evolve throughout life, character tends to remain relatively stable. Personality traits may be influenced by external factors, societal norms, or even temporary circumstances, but character reflects our true nature and is rooted in our belief system.

Understanding the difference between personality and character is essential because it helps us navigate relationships and make informed judgments about others. Someone may have a charismatic personality, but their character might be lacking in integrity. Conversely, an individual with a reserved personality can possess a strong and principled character.

Recognizing that personality and character are distinct allows us to appreciate the complexity of human beings. It reminds us that first impressions based on personality alone may not provide an accurate picture of someone’s true character. It also encourages us to focus on cultivating positive character traits within ourselves, as these qualities are a reflection of our true moral compass.

So the next time you encounter someone with a vibrant personality, take a moment to observe their character. Look beyond the surface-level traits and consider their values and integrity. And remember, while personality may make someone fascinating, it is their character that determines their true worth.

Work/Life Balance

I recently had an interesting conversation with one of my students. She said “We are not putting up with being worked to death” in response to what she said were unreasonable requests from her employer. She also went on to say “They have to realize that we have a life outside of our job”. She’s 100% right. I grew up thinking that in order to have a good life, I had to work hard, make painful sacrifices, and start at the very bottom regardless of my abilities to get ahead. Would I be fit to really enjoy my life after all that?

Fortunately, I love my job. Working in higher education there are a lot of built-in breaks so I don’t get burned out. In my previous career, I did the hard work. I didn’t really start the enjoy my life outside of work fully until I resigned. I worked nights, weekends, holidays, for 13 years and still did not see the payoff.

What are your thoughts on work/life balance? Do you enjoy the hustle or would you prefer a more laid-back approach to work?

Write on Wednesday #68

Today’s Writing Prompt: A childhood crush

Did you ever have a crush? Were you fortunate enough to have a romantic relationship with that person? Was it a celebrity, a fictional character, or someone you knew?

For this writing prompt, write about what your relationship would have been like had you formed a romantic connection.

Living Authentically

The older we get, usually the more we learn. That has been the case for me.

I have learned a lot about myself. I should say, I have accepted a lot about myself. With all things, you take the good with the bad.

At this point in my life, I feel like I am living authentically. I allow myself to feel and experience the things that make me happy even if they are not pleasing to others. It is evident in the way I dress, wear my hair, the way I speak, and the company I keep. I devote time and energy to those things that serve me.

Labels

I heard the word labels so many times in so many different contexts so much every day. People talk about designer labels, relationship labels, personality labels, etc. Why do we need them?

On this blog, I talk a lot about being an introvert and I have labeled myself as such. I will admit I feels some type of pride in being in the introvert tribe. I feel it because it makes me part of a group without working on developing the social capital that it takes to be a part of any other group. I can just declare it. It does give me a shared sense of identity and validation. Although I love being considered unique and individual, there is a part of me that wants to be part of a collective with similar tendencies and propensities. Then I began to ask myself why am I quick to run from many other labels.

When I was in college, I was totally against joining a sorority because I felt I didn’t need to be a part of a group to feel accepted or special in any sort of way. As I got older and changed may major to English, I was thankful to have “found my tribe”. Being a part of this group seemed to be more acceptable in my eyes. I want to take some time to examine why that is.

I believe joining a group like a sorority would be forced. I would be choosing a sorority based on what? Then there was the fact that my acceptance into this group was at the whim of others. I had to be deemed worthy to be a part of this group. Not only that, sororities have certain attributes associated with them. Membership is based on exclusivity. It isn’t something that happens organically like my tribe of English majors.

As many who know me are well aware, I love quality and things that are well-made. It is not about a designer label for me, but sometimes the designer item is very well made. When I buy things I tend to keep them until the disintegrate, so it is important for me to buy high quality things that I will use often and keep for a long time. Even when I purchased a designer item, I chose something that was understated and without the designer logo plastered conspicuously all over it. I don’t like those kind of labels either. It is not important for anyone to know how much I spent on an item or what particular brand of item I own, or that I own a designer item. I’m not sure if it is the aversion to pretention or the need to not draw attention to myself. I do believe it is a combination of both.

Planting Season

Last year, I rekindled my love of plants. Now I have tons of plants in our home and they are thriving. I even started a small, yet very successful vegetable garden. I was so impressed with myself and I decided that I would continue to plant vegetables every year. As I began to research more, I certain foods should be planted in different seasons. For instance, I love kale. Kale should be planted in the fall, potatoes should be planted before spring and before the last frost. I love kale and potatoes, but I was not prepared for the planting season. I hadn’t done adequate research or preparation. Fortunately, I was able to get my potatoes planted, but I will have to wait for fall to do the kale.

Preparation is very important in gardening. You must have the right soil, fertilizer, ground temperature, etc. Also, it has to be the right time. It is possible to try to plant in the wrong season, but it may not yield the desired result. Life can be the same way.

In my work, I counsel college students. Many of them have a plan and that if they stick to that plan all things will work out. What I try to get many of them to understand is that plans are great, but they don’t dictate definite outcomes. There are times when you can’t have what you want when you want it. There are some things that just can’t be rushed. There are times we may try to do something at the wrong time and not get the desired result.

What I have learned in gardening and if life is that things cannot be rushed. Although it may be impossible to have specific outcomes, there are reasons for careful planning and patience.

Just be Nice

It is so simple.  It’s free and it make you and others feel good.  I try to give as many compliments as I can.  I have been accused of being fake because I am nice to people that are not nice to me.  I just like being nice to people. Really!  It makes me happy.

My default is nice.  It is much easier and doesn’t take much energy.  I do get mad, upset, sad, frustrated, etc., but I don’t let those emotions change the way I treat people.  I don’t believe anyone deserves to be treated badly.  I feel that if a person has been terrible to you, just distance yourself from them as much as possible.  That way you are not compromising your mental health.

I was recently in a very challenging situation.  There was a person who was constantly trying to paint me in a bad light to others.  I didn’t understand why this person was doing this.  I would hear from acquaintances that this person was insinuating that I was a person who could not be trusted.  My pleasant disposition was claimed to be  disingenuous. It was all very disturbing, but my reputation speaks for itself.  The claims were taken as baseless and silly.  It did more damage to the person spreading the allegations.

Even though it has always made me happy to be nice to others, it used to be a struggle to be nice to those who were not particularly nice to me.  What I had to learn to do is to see those people with compassion.  There are so many factors that can contribute to a person’s negative or hurtful behavior.  I choose not to consider myself as the source, and I definitely choose to not allow it to influence my attitude.

Write On Wednesday #67

Today’s Writing Prompt: The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

I am really looking forward to this Christmas. Last year my then fiancé and I had COVID so we couldn’t spend it together. Fortunately, we both were mostly asymptomatic and recovered effortlessly. This year, we plan to really go all out. We started decorating the first of November because we got into the Christmas spirit early.

For today’s writing prompt, write about the best holiday you have ever had, or hope to have. Let your imagination go wild. Write about the location, the gifts, the people, and or course, how you feel.