No matter how one feels about monarchy, one must admit there continues to be a fascination with royalty. We use it in our everyday speech as a compliment. I often hear “Good morning, Queen!” from a nice young man when I am dressed fashionably or a “I hear you, Queen!” when I say something intelligent or witty. Last week, my cousin used “Queen” to describe me. I then told him my crown was bought and paid for. I just had to start wearing it. In my reply, I realized that although I was in possession of a crown, I had not been wearing it. This caused me to examine why.
It has been always been my belief that we all have crowns. I think deep down most people feel this is the case, but do we walk around on a daily basis like royalty? I didn’t. People were seeing it in me, I feel it is there, but I was not wearing my crown. When I was younger, I was known as the smart kid, teachers pet, and all those things that go along with being a bright student. Although it was a good thing, this caused me to be teased by other students. Being the smart kid wasn’t the popular thing to be. So I took off my crown. It started with self-deprecating humor and dumbing myself down to be what I thought to be more acceptable. As I got older, being smart was cool again. I reached for my crown and starting wearing it proudly. Then there were other times I felt undeserving of the crown upon my head. I would respond to a compliment not by simply saying “Thank you”, but by pointing out a flaw in myself. I wanted to let people know that although my royal blood is evident to others, I doubted it. I am ready to start wearing my crown at all times, at all functions, and in front of all people. Are you?
Some of us are afraid to touch it, some of us are intimidated power and responsibility that comes along with it, and some of us don’t feel worthy of wearing it. We all own one. Start wearing it!
In talking to my cousin about life, he loves to say that situations have layers. I am quick to come to conclusions and make decisions, but he often reminds me of the layers. I tend to overlook the layers, but I realize that I have them too.
Let me explain what he means by layers. Layers are those experiences that determine how one reacts to things, people, and situations. For instance, I will not eat watermelon in public because of the stereotype associated with African Americans loving watermelon. I love watermelon, but I will not eat it in public because I have attached a negative image to my eating watermelon. I will turn it down if offered to me even though I really love it. I’m not quite sure if the stereotype is a negative one, but I still will not be seen in public eating watermelon. I know it’s silly, but that’s not enough for me to change that behavior. So if I were turn watermelon down in public and asked why, my cousin would say there are layers to my decision. Basically, the decision and the reasons behind it are more complex than it appears.
I am generally intolerant of bad behavior. I do not take into account the “layers” behind the situation. I am quick to disassociate with a person who I feel has treated me unjustly. There have been several instances of my ending relationships rather abruptly because I don’t feel it important for me to understand the why. I would rather remove myself from the relationship entirely. My cousin often reminds me of the layers behind people’s actions. I’m on the fence on whether or not to take these layers into consideration. I do think it is best to remove yourself from a toxic situation as to not add any negative layers to your own life.
I feel that it is important to acknowledge these layers and not to judge people too harshly. So if I turn down your watermelon at a public function, don’t take it personally. There are layers behind that situation. I’m working on it.