Posted in Introvert Lounge

Stand Tall

I’m a woman.  As a young girl I was always encouraged to be “lady-like”.  I was told to sit with my knees together and if I were to cross my legs, I could only cross them at the ankle.  I was told to sit up straight and practice great posture.  My mother told me all of these things not to conform to some idea of what it meant to be feminine, but for my health.  She always said these things were lady-like and good for me.  She told me sitting up straight would train me to have good posture and that crossing my legs only at the ankle would ensure proper blood flow.  She also said these things showed everyone else that I cared about myself.  She was right.  In addition to these things being good for my health, they also put out a message.

My mother also taught me to let myself be heard, and not to cower in fear of what others may think.  This is a lesson that took a while to learn, but it wasn’t hard.  I realized I project a certain confidence that I often found lacking in myself.  I have been told that I “carry myself” well, or that I look like the type of woman who “don’t take no mess”.  I have taken my share of messes in the past.   It often puzzled me that people at first meeting found me intimidating.  It was not until I saw a video of myself walking to my car shot by a friend of mine.  I was standing talk, back straight, chest out and thought to myself “Who is that?”  I could not believe my eyes.  I could now see what everyone else was talking about.  I looked more confident than I was.  This video was a game-changer for me.  That day I decided I was going to be the woman I had trained my body to be.

I was never a push-over, but I wouldn’t say that I was the most assertive woman either.  It took a lot for me to step up and make myself heard. I knew that part of me needed some work so I used the antiquated term of being “lady-like” to my advantage.  I took a page from my mother’s book.  She described the confident posture and demeanor that I now possess as “lady-like” because, I feel that she subconsciously believed that to be a less threatening term for a woman.  What she was teaching me was to convey confidence in a non-threatening way.  I had to learn to be assertive.

Being assertive for an introvert has its challenges, but it also has its advantages.  As an introvert, I tend to sit back and observe.  We introverts make lots of mental notes in our heads and tend to not act on impulse, thus making our assertion more effective.   We can be calculating and often let all the dust clear before sweeping up the pieces and putting them in order.  I use the “lady-like” approach.  I wait my turn, smile, and never raise my voice.  This is not a sign of weakness, but of control.  I can maintain my composure while making myself heard and commanding respect.  I have been amazed at how well this works.  I believe once you lose control of your emotions, you being to crack the shell of your defense.  I was able to convey a confidence and even intimidation just in the way I walked.  It wasn’t because of anything I said.  It was because I was in control of my body.  I learned that I also had to get that same control over my emotions.

 

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Posted in Tea Talk Tuesday, Uncategorized

Ten Things I love About Me!

quote-oscar-wilde-on-loving-yourself

Anyone who knows me knows that I love to toot my own horn.  I also like to encourage the toots of others.  I think is its very important to find things about yourself that you love and compliment yourself on them often.  You should also not shy away from complimenting others.  I have a proposition for all who read this post.  Find at least 10 things you like about yourself and then find at least 10 people and compliment them on something.

iBourgie’s Ten Things She Likes About Herself

  1. I am a voracious reader. I have always had a love for reading.  I will read absolutely anything.  In addition to any genre of fiction, I love reading medical journals, magazine articles, textbooks, etc.  Although I am an introvert, I have been able to use my love of reading to find something to talk about when I begin to feel awkward in social situations.
  2. My legs.  No matter how much weight I lose or gain my calves always stay in shape.  I got them from my grandmother.  lol
  3. I am very silly.  Most people are shocked by my sense of humor.  Who says introverts aren’t funny?  Once you get to know me, I will have you in stitches.
  4. My smile.  It is huge and I can’t help it.  I have a big mouth and I love it.  I love it even more because I used to try to hide it and have grown to love it.
  5. I am generous.  I genuinely love giving.  Nothing make me happier than being able to do something for someone else.
  6. I don’t take myself too seriously.  I make mistakes and that’s fine.  So does everybody else.  There is no need to dwell on them.  I learn from them.
  7. I am forgiving.  Without forgiveness, you are stagnant.  I forgive others and I forgive myself.
  8. I know when enough is enough.  I know my limits and I will not push myself past them, nor will I allow anyone else to.
  9. I can take  criticism.  Being able to take constructive criticism is the only way you can get better at anything.  Not only can I take it, I ask for it.
  10. I have a great son! I can’t take all of the credit for it, but I had something to do with it. I am so proud of him.

Whenever you feel down, remember the things you like about yourself.