Intention has been coming up a lot lately in conversations with my friends. Intention along with authenticity and integrity are the keys to living a life of freedom. As I write this, I feel that is enough to say, but I can go on to how I came about this realization in my own life.
I have stated many times that I went through a season of unfortunate events. During that time, I felt that I would never get a break. It seemed one bad thing was happening after another. I began to question everything. I began to question my choices of friends, decisions, and commitments. That is when I began to examine my intentions. First, I began to look at my friendships. I had and still have a pretty tight and small circle of friends. I did not put much thought or emphasis on my friendships at the time because the friendships I had were many years in the making. The friendships I had were over 20 years old. I didn’t question those because they had lasted so long how could there be anything wrong with them? It was not until my season of unfortunate events had ended that I was able to see the true nature of some of my relationships. I began to notice that some of my friends were very present in my life when things were at their worst. I got phone calls everyday. At the time, I thought it was wonderful. I had a friend who was ready and willing to listen to my problems and I am thankful for it to this day. It was what I needed at the time. It wasn’t until my season of unfortunate events ended that I realized all the support, check-ins, and attention began to be replaced with something else. I was then faced with out of nowhere confrontations, discouragement, and negativity. All of this was confusing to me as I thought friends would be happy for my life to take a much more positive and happy turn. It seemed that every good thing I shared was quickly shot down. Every new opportunity I shared was met with warnings and dissuasion. Where was the celebration? I thought friends would be happy for their friends. It seemed to me that it was my misery that was attracting certain friends’ attention. True friendship was not their intention. There was some joy and comfort they found in my struggles, but not in my happiness.
As my life and the circumstances around it began to improve quickly and exponentially, that particular “friendship” began to weaken until eventually all contact ended. Although the relationship has endured for well over 25 years, surprisingly, I didn’t miss it. I began to realize that over the years there have been several instances when I was in a happy season, that particular person would find a reason to be absent. That same person would come back into my life and seem somewhat disappointed when things were going well. I also noticed that while I shared, participated, and supported my friend’s endeavors, the same was not reciprocated. The absence of longing for that relationship was validation to me that that particular person’s intention was not in line with what I considered friendship. My intention created what I had believed was a friendship, but the other person apparently did not have the same intention. To everything there is a season. The same goes for relationships.
Now I am at a wonderful place and things are better and better everyday. I am examining my intentions. I am deliberate and focused. Life is so much easier. Decision making is effortless. There is little to no back and forth in my mind as my actions are motivated by clear intention.