Posted in Introvert Lounge

Stand Tall

I’m a woman.  As a young girl I was always encouraged to be “lady-like”.  I was told to sit with my knees together and if I were to cross my legs, I could only cross them at the ankle.  I was told to sit up straight and practice great posture.  My mother told me all of these things not to conform to some idea of what it meant to be feminine, but for my health.  She always said these things were lady-like and good for me.  She told me sitting up straight would train me to have good posture and that crossing my legs only at the ankle would ensure proper blood flow.  She also said these things showed everyone else that I cared about myself.  She was right.  In addition to these things being good for my health, they also put out a message.

My mother also taught me to let myself be heard, and not to cower in fear of what others may think.  This is a lesson that took a while to learn, but it wasn’t hard.  I realized I project a certain confidence that I often found lacking in myself.  I have been told that I “carry myself” well, or that I look like the type of woman who “don’t take no mess”.  I have taken my share of messes in the past.   It often puzzled me that people at first meeting found me intimidating.  It was not until I saw a video of myself walking to my car shot by a friend of mine.  I was standing talk, back straight, chest out and thought to myself “Who is that?”  I could not believe my eyes.  I could now see what everyone else was talking about.  I looked more confident than I was.  This video was a game-changer for me.  That day I decided I was going to be the woman I had trained my body to be.

I was never a push-over, but I wouldn’t say that I was the most assertive woman either.  It took a lot for me to step up and make myself heard. I knew that part of me needed some work so I used the antiquated term of being “lady-like” to my advantage.  I took a page from my mother’s book.  She described the confident posture and demeanor that I now possess as “lady-like” because, I feel that she subconsciously believed that to be a less threatening term for a woman.  What she was teaching me was to convey confidence in a non-threatening way.  I had to learn to be assertive.

Being assertive for an introvert has its challenges, but it also has its advantages.  As an introvert, I tend to sit back and observe.  We introverts make lots of mental notes in our heads and tend to not act on impulse, thus making our assertion more effective.   We can be calculating and often let all the dust clear before sweeping up the pieces and putting them in order.  I use the “lady-like” approach.  I wait my turn, smile, and never raise my voice.  This is not a sign of weakness, but of control.  I can maintain my composure while making myself heard and commanding respect.  I have been amazed at how well this works.  I believe once you lose control of your emotions, you being to crack the shell of your defense.  I was able to convey a confidence and even intimidation just in the way I walked.  It wasn’t because of anything I said.  It was because I was in control of my body.  I learned that I also had to get that same control over my emotions.

 

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Posted in Good Stuff

Good Stuff : Staying Focused

The first week back to school is now over.  Now my son and I have brand new and exciting things to learn and do.  He and I have been very busy.  My son loves his new teacher and I am thrilled with all of my classes.  I am so glad that my son has the same passion I have for  learning .  He learned from his teacher last week that his class will be learning to take notes and that is all he has been talking about.  I have always told him that knowledge is power, but with great power comes great responsibility.keep-calm-and-stay-focused-36

I am now teaching him to fight through distractions to help him focus on his tasks as I had difficulty with this in the past.  My problem was that all of the distractions were in my own head.  I have learned to work around it.  It seems that I need a lot of outside activity to focus.  I tend to write and study in a noisy room.  I find it difficult to work in quiet, but it seems the opposite for my son.  Certain tasks he can complete within seconds, but others take some time if there are outside distractions like other children.  Working in a group is distracting to him.  He seems to only be distracted in writing exercises, but not with math (I had the some problem, but it was the total opposite.  I could drown out distractions when I was working on writing projects, but I would become extremely distracted when working on math).  Although, my son is an honor roll student, I don’t want this to become a problem for him.  I am opened to suggestions.

My son loves to read and is extremely focused when he is reading.  I know he is capable of focusing,  He has had this issue with focusing on a task in the past, but I didn’t last the entire school term.  It would usually happen close to the beginning.  Still, I don’t want it to hinder him.  I hope I am not overreacting, but I want to be proactive so it will not grow into something that will disrupt his academic success.